Last year, I presented ten tips for spanking novices. Since then, I’ve wanted to revisit the topic in more detail, and from a slightly different perspective.
A couple’s first spanking might be their most difficult. Partners may have different expectations and levels of interest. It’s quite natural to be nervous. There are so many unanswered questions:
- How much will it hurt?
- Will this help or harm our relationship?
- Is this the first step toward heavy bondage and discipline?
- Should we adopt dominant and submissive roles?
- Am I betraying my gender?
- Is it ever OK to hit a woman?
A mutually enjoyable spanking experience requires a little bit of forethought and planning. Yes, I know it’s not as exciting as a spontaneous spanking session, but if this first one goes well, there might be plenty more to follow. It’s OK to talk about these topics. Really! No one can read minds, and if you want your partner to understand what you’re thinking, you must share those thoughts and ideas.
As important as it is to talk, listening is even more essential. Your partner will probably tell you whether they like your plan. In the event that they hesitate or even reject it, fear not. Perhaps they will offer a reasonable alternative. At this moment, it is to your advantage to be flexible. Please remember that there are many paths to your destination.
When you decide to try a first spanking, the setting is very important. Plan to be as far from distractions as is practical. Try to choose a time when both partners are feeling relaxed, energetic, and open-minded. Make sure to allow plenty of time for whatever might follow.
The prelude to the spanking should be loving and reassuring. The spankee should feel as though she is adored and appreciated. The spanker should feel as though he is honored and beloved. Kisses, stroking hair, tender touches, and sweet words all reinforce these feelings of connectedness and unity.
When it is time for the spanking, select a position that will be both intimate and comfortable for both partners. I recommend that the spanker sit at the edge of a bed or on a couch with the spankee draped across his lap. In this position, both her upper torso and legs are well supported. Her bottom is also nicely presented.
Rather than starting right in with swats, it’s often nice to further set the mood by rubbing the bottom using a slow, circular motion. For many spankees, including me, this kind of touching is a tremendous turn-on. I particularly like the feel of a hand moving over the back of my skirt and perhaps occasionally diving underneath to add to the arousal. Should the spankee begin to roll her hips, she’s definitely ready.
Any real spanking should hurt, but that’s not the primary goal this first time. We’re instead aiming for erotic stimulation. Don’t drive through your swats, but let them dance lightly on the surface. Redden the skin, but try not to bruise it. A hand should suffice and even then, avoid full force blows. Teach her to love the sensations of stinging and warmth. Talk as you spank and tell her what a tremendous turn-on it is to finally feel her across your lap.
For the spankee, it’s vital to express yourself as well. Tell him what you need, what you want, what you like, and what you don’t. That’s the best way for him to learn and refine his technique.
A few dozen light to moderate whacks should suffice for this first spanking. Again, you will hopefully get more chances to experiment in the future. When the spanking is over, the spanker should embrace his partner and ensure that she feels truly loved. This sets the stage for wonderful aftercare experiences in the future.
Many couples find spankings to be sexually arousing and an excellent form of foreplay. In this situation, lovemaking quite naturally follows a spanking. For us, spankings are the ultimate aphrodisiac. The resulting sex represents a welcome completion, a dénouement. It’s certainly not required, but I do recommend it.
Once the excitement dies down, you may wish to talk about your experiences. What worked? What didn’t? What would you like to try next time? How could the session be better? In those answers lies a roadmap to years of erotic spanking fun.
Speaking of fun, a spanking doesn’t have to be serious or clinical. It’s fine to be yourself, laugh, or act silly. Keeping things light removes some of the pressure to make everything perfect.
I hope your first spanking is a wonderful experience for both of you! Best wishes, and please let me know how everything works out in the end.
Keywords: spanking, spanking 101, spanking tutorial, first spanking